No beliefs doesn't mean Don't believe
My journey since I was born, it was like walking on a wide sidewalk with religion on one side and atheism on the other side. I had relatives very religious and relatives very agnostic, if not totally atheists.
I wasn’t interested so much, but my curiosity let me explore possibilities, like: pantheism (Gaia is alive), buddism, humanism (another Gaia, on a smaller scale?). I wanted something simple, to feel not alone, to feel my life is not pointless.
The questions burning in my head were this kind:
I studied a lot of math classes, physics, logic. Later I choose engineering studies, so more logic, more math. All was driving me to conclude there is no way to prove God existence, therefore it shouldn’t exists (Occam’s Law).
I was still on the sidewalk, in the middle of two opposite views, without choosing one.
Later I discovered the concept of paradigmas: is an environment where everything is correct if based on the paradigma itself.
Let’s say is a space, where, if you act accordingly to the local law, you receive all supports. All questions have the answer. And the answer is always right. Within the local space.
I looked years for a paradigma to fit my not-so-believer mind. But still many of my questions were left without a deeply satisfying answer. Couldn’t make a paradigma right for my 5 questions.
Someway on my journey I decide to give a try to religion, specifically a christian protestant view. The occasion was some random encounter and still the curiousity. What really drove me was the happy discover that many little questions could be answered within the christian paradigma.
It wasn’t anymore like: “Faith means we shouldn’t ask this but believe” or “Science cannot explain/see this, therefore doesn’t exists”
More and more, letting me enter in the new paradigma, I found an answer to all questions. The process anyway brought new questions.
Here my new list, still messing with my curiosity:
As you see, there is always space for doubts, as long as we look for a deeper understanding.
Probably I would suggest to myself, ten years ago, this tip:
“even if you don’t know the destination, never stop looking around you, putting question. The journey matters a lot, not just the arrival. And you don’t know when it is scheduled.”